Most people would probably say that a couple getting remarried after five years of marriage is just crazy talk. Vow renewals are for simply for those that have been together for decades. And honestly, I probably would have agreed with you even just 3 years ago.
This is going to be a long, honest, emotional response as to why we decided to say “I Do” again and if it is something we enjoyed.
3 REASONS WE DECIDED TO REMARRY:
3. My wife and I grew up in completely opposite backgrounds. She came from a big family (compared to me). She has 3 siblings and parents that are still very much happily married to this day (35 years of marriage)! I, on the other hand, had a functioning alcoholic mother and a biological father who I have no relationship with. My mother was married 3 times before she passed away. And I have an older brother who has been married twice. My entire family (give or take 1-2 people) have been divorced, remarried … or is in an unhappy marriage.
2. Being parents, working full-time in very successful careers, and as someone who suffers anxiety/major depression - date nights were hard to come by. We both travel a lot! We are work-a-holics. And we sort of came to a point in our relationship where things sort of felt scripted. This is a term we use in the world of Autism. It is where we do things without thinking because that is just what we do! We give a quick kiss goodbye in the morning and say “I love you.” It doesn’t mean we don’t mean the affection, it just isn’t with intention anymore.
1. This is probably the biggest reason and most personal to me. It is something I never talked about publicly. I will refrain from using names and calling anyone out. It is not my place to “blast” anyone and tell their story. However, is deeply affects me.
This last year has been one of the most exhausting and emotional years of my life. Addiction is such a fucking bitch. Addiction has caused me so much anger, sadness, trust issues, confusion, disappointment, stress, feeling overwhelmed, and health issues. Needless to say, this has caused some stress in our relationship. Also, I eat my emotions. I gained so much weight in this past year that is has started to affect my joints. I weigh more now, than when I was 9 months pregnant with my son. Because the media and society is a bitch, it has caused some self-esteem issues.
While I am dealing with a loved one and their addiction, my son is becoming a teenager and my career is taking off! Balancing these two has been super hard for myself. For those of you that don’t know, my son has mid-severe autism. I will admit, I often times take the easy route with my son. Because he isn’t as vocal as most children his age, I assume he may not know how to do something. When in reality, he does. Again, causing more stress in our marriage.
OUR THOUGHTS AFTER DOING THE VOW RENEWAL:
- Planning our actual wedding, was a nightmare to us. I wish I invested in (at the very least) a Day-of-Coordinator. We under estimated how long it actually takes to decorate with the number of people helping us. Especially, if you are using lights! However, planning our vow-renewal was exciting to us. It was genuinely about just the two of us and not about entertaining others.
- For Randy, our vow renewal was a time she was pampered. Our actual wedding day she didn’t even have her hair done or make-up done. The only reason I was able to was because my sister-in-law (at the time), invested in one for me as a gift. Randy felt important. Her confidence was higher because we had professionals that helped enhance features she had lower self-confidence about.
- Reminding each other why we said our original vows to begin with, was reassuring. Especially after such an emotionally rough year for us. Date nights are great but this forced us to go the extra mile. We were completely dressed up for only each other. It was so nice to see a twinkle in my wife’s eyes.
- When we originally got married, we were very traditional in some ways. I wore a white, simple, classy gown. We are not traditional in any way. I actually really hate wearing white. Let alone, something classic. This time, we did opposite. We were very non-traditional about it. We wore our favorite colors: black and blue. I felt myself. I felt more confident. Hell, I loved fluffing my skirt and twirling over-and-over again.
- I really wish we made an entire day of documenting it instead of keeping it to a few simple hours. I wish we documented everything from waking up, to getting ready, and afterwards having some random adventure together. Having the vow renewal photos is amazing. I just wish there was some of us in our natural habitat as well. To be able to tell the entire day story, would have been super badass. That is probably my biggest regret.
- Re-saying our vows and adding to them, was more intimate than I envisioned. We are not a couple who does a lot of PDA. We are not a couple who is overly emotional together. But I definitely got more out of our vow renewal connection & emotions wise, than our actual wedding day. Not having the pressure of a bunch of eyes on us really helped us not feel so “staged.”
So, yes I recommend having a vow renewal. I do not think you need to wait decades to do this. I think anytime you have a chance to celebrate your accomplishments together, you should! Love is a powerful thing. Honor it. Cherish it. Work at it.
Thank you to the following vendors for making this day possible:
Photo/Video: Novae Film + Photo
Flowers: Bad Rabbit Flowers
Vow Books/Sign: The Chatty Press
Hair/Make-up: The Beauty Bar Maine
Jewelry: Day’s Jewelers